Friday, August 5, 2011

How to be happier??????????????

since i was a child i have always been very curious and avid to learn new things.... i have akways been brighter then my peers, not bragging ........up until the 11th grade and now i was a catholic..... not a religious FREAK but just a normally faithful roman catholic. however in 11th grade ,i stopped going to church.. partially because of our economic status and because church in our new town was only help in the evening.. from 7:00 p.m to 8:00 p.m...... we had work during the time and my parents worked and i worked because i was 16 and had a work permit... was making 11 dollars an hour.... My parents urged me to study things becuase when i am 20 in 3 years i hope to go to a university. So i read books at a local library ..books on anything i could find useful like physics and human phsycology.....during my endless hours of study and thinking ..i came upon the concept of religion... in the books they talked about how the human brain sometimes fooled itself... this curiosity eventually led me to a website called 'godisimaginary.com"... There it ruined all my religious faith.... it proved religion wasn't worthy.... IT WAS A RDE AWAKENING!....... i have become a agnostic/atheist since then but i feel so unhappy ,i put in so much care and love into my catholic faith ,had my first comunion and confirmation... confessed myself about 6 times .....and that website just totally tore my religious beliefs in half ....it proved every little faith and belief i wrong. I was taught in catholic school and by relative to thank god for every day i lived and realize every day was another gift from god...i would pray every night thanking god and now ..it has been shoved down my throat that it is all a lie! .....i feel especially sorry for a couple of "jehovah's witnesses" who were knocking on doors at 6:00 a.m today ,handing out papers in the rain.... i feel as if i used to be happier and took pride in everything i did, and now i fell dull knowing that god does not exsist. I also fear losing my beloved memories. and i also know that my brother who was in the marines who was killed by insurgents on march 18 ,2006 in Al-Fallujah, iraq is not in heaven and our memories together as kids playing with our toys and all the times he helped me when i was sad ,that is no longer there and he is long gone, i cried for weeks but im pretty stable now, i have seen a phsycologist and he told me i was a very intelligent boy ,he said i was very normal he said to contact him if i had thoughts of suicide but i would never commit suicide, life is delacate and precious. can someone please tell how i can feel better or possibly be re converted into a catholic? i doubt it but please help!

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